Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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