she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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