My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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