The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
