you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
