I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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