1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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