I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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