The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
