i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
