But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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