So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
