Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The feeling are messing with the penis
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
