You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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