You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
