I wannas sexs uuuuu
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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