I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
