If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
