There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
