when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
