Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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