I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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