I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
