No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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