I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
