I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
