drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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