NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
