At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize