I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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