he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
