his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
