the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
