Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
