i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
