Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
