That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
