they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
ok first of all what the fuck
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize