can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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