I met the friendliest cop last night
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
