barbara walters just said penis...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
