He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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