He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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