Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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