i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
