My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
