she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
