i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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