Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
