Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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