For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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