i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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