So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
