Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
