"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
