apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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