i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
