he wants to bone in the snuggie
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
