we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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