An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
