Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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