After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize