He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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