I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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