I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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