I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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