Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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