I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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