Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
