friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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